Pfft, No Way Man
by HetaFreak.Me
Summary: England misses a world meeting and Prussia goes to find out why - what will happen when they are on their on their own together?
1. Chapter 1

England x Prussia: Pfft No Way Man!

Hi! this is my first story and I'm kinda just making it up as I go along so if it doesn't make sense let me know, I'm trying my best; this story is from Prussia's  
point of view and in later chapters I will start to change back and forth between view points, so... lets get on with it!

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Pfft, No Way Man, Chapter 1 - Meetings and Mournings

God, world meetings can be so BORING I mean right now Canada is blabbing on about more involvement on his part, Switzerland has a gun pointed at Denmark; for looking at his sister Liechtenstein, Germany looks like he's about to break off the end of the table, Spain and France are giggling like schoolgirls, Belarus is leering at her brother; who in turn is shuffling further and further away from her, Ukraine looks like she's in her own world, Hungary is discussing something with Austria, America is playing on a PSP, Japan is arranging some flowers, China is practising some kind of martial art; Hong Kong looks like he's about to jump him, Iceland is watching Canada with careful eyes; I think he has some kind of love for him, The rest of the Nordics are knitting in the corner, Poland looks like he's bossing about Lithuania, Italy is humming to himself; his brother Romano is swearing under his breath and England... Wait where is England? Usually he'd look so frustrated that his eyebrows would look like a thick mono brow Kesesese. Ah well he's probably got another cold, the weather is never good over there and he gets the worst of it most of the time. ANYWAY so I'm just sitting here in a brand new pressed suit might I add, being bored (and awesome) not knowing when this is going to end. Grr maybe I'll just catch a few winks *yawn* oh I guess I am tired, goodnight meeting...

"PRUSSIA!"

"WHAT!", I woke with a start and THAT was Spain's fault; he just replied simply (I could tell he enjoyed my reaction), "the meetings over". GRRRRR now I'm pissed! Ludwig better have an excuse for letting me fall asleep; he knows what I'm like AND now I've missed it all! "Wait, hey Spain do you know why England wasn't here today?" "Yeah, His grandmother uh criiick (dragging finger across his neck)" "oh, poor him" "Yep, apparently they were really close as well" "How close" "like you and Gilbird close" "OH my goodness, I better send apologies!" - And with that he rushed off.

CHAPTER 1 - Meetings and Mournings, END

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So there it is, my first chapter of my first book!, I tried to make everyone do what they usually or like to do so lemme know what you think and I'll get the next chapter up ASAP and well that's it from me - see ya!


	2. Chapter 2

England x Prussia: Pfft, No Way Man!

HEYO! so guess what, I was walking home today and I saw... A CHICKEN! and it inspired me to write another chapter of P,NWM! so here it is; ENJOY oh and one more thing I changed it so it is narrator/Prussia because it is HARD to write with only one person p.s. constructive criticism is ok with me!

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Pfft, No Way Man, Chapter 2 - Alcohol and Medicine do not mix

Oh man, what kind of flowers do you buy for a funeral? Lilies; no too messy, Daffodils; no too springish, bluebells; not nice enough, Orchids; too mumsy,  
Daisies...REALLY?, what about roses, I've always thought that they got you a bit of gangnam style kesesese.1 but maybe white ones... Yeah they'll work!

Prussia hadn't talked to England for almost 200 years (Arguments don't count); he was dreading this as he was walking towards England's house while thinking to himself; um I'll say... I heard about your grandma, sorry for your loss then I'll hand him the flowers and wait for him to respond if he doesn't I'll just leave. "Knock, knock"...here goes. He stood at the door waiting for England to answer, he stood there for about 2 mins before he decided to look in the window. What he saw was an English lump lying on the floor with an empty bottle of rum in one hand and an empty box of medication in the other; "oh god!", he took a few steps back and charged head first at the door, the door flew across the room, "whoops" he ran to England "Iggy, Iggy! wake up man!" He felt for a pulse; there wasn't one. "Oh god No", he called an ambulance and they said they would be a few minutes. "Why man Why, she was only your Granny!" He then remembered what Spain had told him about how he and his Grandma were really close. "C'mon man hang in there!" He called Ludwig, The rest of the bad touch trio, Iggy's brothers (and sister) and everyone else he knew (which happened to be a lot); Ludwig turned up first; with Italy, Austria and Hungary.

"OK, calm down Gill" "But he could be DEAD!" "I don't think so, you know how we Nations are stronger than mortals; in body and soul." "yeahIknowthatbutit'sjustwedon'tknowhowlonghe'sbeenoutand-" "AMBULANCE is here" Austria interrupted "QUICK GET HIM INTO..." Prussia went over his limit and passed out.

CHAPTER 2 - Alcohol and Medicine do not mix, END

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1. Gangnam style kesesese - A bad ass way of saying sex and then he laughed.

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So there it is, second chapter, whoopee! I'm trying to keep it short and sweet to keep you wanting more, lol See Ya!


	3. Chapter 3

England x Prussia: Pfft, No Way Man!

Hey reader bros! This is the third instalment of P,NWM and there is a small amount of mild language so here's your warning! -I think you can guess who it'll be from, tee hee hee (imagine that as more of a Haruhi Suzumiya type tee hee hee, I'm not at all girly...ok maybe a little *cough cough*) ANYWAYS! To the story...

By the by just to let you know this one takes place at the St Mary's hospital in London (they wanted the best treatment for poor poor Iggy) just after the doctors had gone through the overdose procedure (Iggy's probably going to be a bit groggy).

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Pfft, No Way Man, Chapter 3 - Lesbians pop out at the worst of times don't they!

Prussia had just brought a still sleeping England the white roses he had bought and had left them on the bedside table (he'd even put them in a vase) and was waiting outside his room, Ludwig was waiting with him. "It's a good thing you had thought to be so considerate you're not usually like that".

"Yeah I know, but you know when our schnitzel died we were both broken hearted"(a dog they both shared).  
"Yeah but that's not exactly the same thing you know..."  
"...Yeah I know that" "c'mon then tell me the real reason why then, I hate to see my bruder(1)hurting"(after some debating with himself he decided it would be better to tell someone rather than keep it bottled up inside, after all he might not get the chance to tell someone about this and finally let it out).  
"fine well it's because of the fact that I know what a broken heart feels like; you remember when I went out with Ukraine right?".  
"ha, yeah I remember that, didn't you guys just go back to friends because it wasn't working out?".  
"No... She became a lesbian". "Oh". "Yeah and with Liechtenstein as well"(2).  
"Are you serious!" "yea totally honestly... regrettably serious".  
"Oh my god I really didn't see that coming, good thing she moved out of Russia's place because being gay is against the law over th-"  
Germany had stopped because he noticed his brother was crying

"My god Preußen are you ok, was it really that bad!?". "Yes bruder it was(3), why do you think I didn't  
come out of the basement for 3 WEEKS!(4)".  
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know... She told us it wasn't working out and that you and her were going to go back to being just frien-" "-Ludi! do you really believe her over me!".  
"well no of course not!". "every time I see them together my heart breaks a little bit more, and there's nothing I can do about it but cry... do you why now I am here?".  
"yes I understand now, but why have you not told me this before?".  
"because... I think my pride got in the-" He was cut short upon receiving a brutal slap across the face from his brother. "-hey!"  
Prussia then lunged at his brother who was holding him back at arms length(5). "I slapped you because you need to get a hold of your self; 'because my pride got in the way' Pfft, No way man(6) it's just that you were too embarrassed to tell me weren't you!"  
At this point Prussia had gone into a sulk and refused point blank to listen to what his brother was saying when they heard blankets moving from inside England's hospital room.

CHAPTER 3 - Lesbians pop out at the worst of times don't they!, END

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(1) - German for Brother  
(2) - I just felt like making lily a lezbo no jokes or nothing I thought that I might appeal to all sorts of reader bros that way :)  
(3) - Sarcasm there in case you couldn't feel it  
(4) - He got all his supply's from .uk and holed himself up down there for a fortnight and a half  
(5) - I imagine that Prussia would have gone chibi trying to hit his brother and Germany just holding his head in his hand and using the other to hold him away from him  
(6) - Sneak title!

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So there it is third chapter of P,NWM just for you reader bros, sorry it's been a while it has been a very eventful holiday with my relatives coming over from Ireland and I've been staying at my brothers house for a few days and he has two kids so guess what, He's found a very cheap babysitter! (me) and so yeah being busy sucks actually it doesn't but anyway I'm getting off track here; sorry for being late with this! and till next time See Ya!


	4. Chapter 4

**England x Prussia: Pfft, No Way Man!**

Heyo! so I am not even gonna apologise because I bet you guys are sooooo mad at me for not posting for ages. I have a reason though! I got my computer taken off of me by my parents... yes I still live with them and yes I let them boss me around... ANYWAYS! (I'm sure I would win an award for losing my train of thought) because I was extremely late home as I was out with friends blardie blardie blar and so yea that happened... AlSO I am gonna start to make the chapters longer now that more stuff is happening in it so enjoy the chapter and I WILL get the next one up within the next week or so, Don't forget to review! P.S. Apologies for some possible OOC-ness It's just the way I imagine characters would react at a certain time or place so yeah again ENJOY!

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**Pfft, No Way Man, Chapter 4 - And the Wuurst met the Yorkshire pudding**

"Oooowww bloody hell my back is killing me- wait I am a-a-alive?"  
"fraid so eyebrows" Prussia commented sitting in the chair beside England's bed.  
"HOLY JESUS CHRIST, don't they have any privacy in these hospitals!"  
"well the hospital thinks we're family so they let us i-"  
"WHO IS US!" England exploded.  
"Hola, mi amigo(1), are you okay?" Spain smiled.  
"Bonjour, ma tarte sucrée(2)"(Pedo face).  
"You called me WHAT France... you know what it doesn't even matter" England scoffed.  
"Anyway, eyebrows how you doing?" Prussia said trying to blot out the idiots behind him who ware now playing rock paper scissors.  
"I'm fine" He said with a scowl. "And please stop calling me that".  
"You got it Iggy-"  
"THAT'S WORSE!"

Both France and Spain had stopped playing charades to stare at England who had shouted.  
"Stop annoying Mon pop sucette!(3) Can't your dumb German brains compute that he is not in the best state!" France squealed.  
"Pfft, call me a dumb German in front of Ludwig then see what happens!" Prussia snorted.  
"And France you need to stop calling me stupid names before I shove that lamp so far up your arse that you will cough it up. AM I CLEAR!"  
France looked from Arthur to Gilbert and back again then ran out of the room, dragging a confused Spain behind him.  
"Well that was quick, he promised me he wouldn't cry or anything, and now you've scared him off".  
"Good riddance to the stupid frog".  
"Ha I know he's my best mate and all but he can be a pain in the arsch sometimes".(4)  
"And It's like he can't let go of my hand either, childish frog"  
"HA NICE"

"Erm, is there any particular reason why you are still here?" England questioned.  
"Uh yeah you see I was the one who found you, at your house p-passed out".  
"Was that me or did the 'Awesome' Prussia just stutter".  
"The air quotes hurt man... and yes I did BUT only because I feel a cold coming on..."  
"Yeah, suuuuure"  
*cough*"Anyways, what where you thinking!"  
"About granny..." Then a small tear escaped his eye.  
Prussia stood there for an uncomfortable second and waited for England to speak.  
"She was so good to me, she cared for me like a mother and I could always go to her for advice. Even when she found out I was a nation she never changed her opinion of  
me, became closer even. When she found out about me going to war against America she cared for me. When I got the flu, she was the one who nursed me back to health  
and made sure I didn't die off from that stupid American twit putting a freaking BURGER on my head." England complained  
"You know he was only trying to help..."  
"Yes I know that but I swear sometimes I get worried that his nation will sink or explode or something via his stupidity."  
"It would be funny if both happened AT THE SAME TIME!" Prussia burst out laughing.  
England smiled and then waited for Prussia to calm down again.

"Um, Gilbert?"  
"Yeah Iggy?"  
England's left eyebrow twitched at Prussia's choice of nickname, "I ah just wanted to know when you er, found me?"  
"Oh, I... You know what I'll talk with you about it after you get outta here, perhaps over dinner?" Prussia quickly added, with a smirk of course.  
"Uh I erm y-yeah uh sure w-when do you want to ah go?"  
"A week from today!" Prussia boomed.  
"I'll be out that quickly!?" England surprisingly asked  
"Yep, Doc said you'll be breezy in two days!"  
"Oh, well excellent" he said with a British smile only one person (or nation) in the world can do.

**CHAPTER 4 - And the wuurst met the Yorkshire pudding, END**

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(1) - Hello, my friend; Spanish  
(2) - Hello, my sweet pie; French  
(3) - My lolly pop; French  
(4) - Arse/Ass; German

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So there we go! my fourth chapter done *stretches fingers* and I'm so sorry I haven't been up for a while I pretty much just needed a kick up the arsch to point me in the right direction and now I've made a few changes to the way I write and so I'm quite happy with myself and my work *grins* I think I'm getting better at this and I'm working through the writers block (which came after I got my computer back) and actually to be honest I'm not sure that it was writers block or just shire laziness either way major apologies! Also I think I will have Prussia and England Start a band with their début being 'mien gott' by Prussia. It would consist of Prussia on vocals England as the guitarist and possibly Finland on the drums (don't ask I just thought it was fitting) also possibly Greece or Seychelles doing bass (don't worry both will be in the band however one will be doing something else) and also I want to have the Axis Powers plus Romano in there too (Italy using the triangle!)and possibly America and some feats with other nations as well so yeah I like the idea a lot I think it just might be tough to fit it into the story somehow so wish me luck and of course - See Ya!


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